Come to us
One-on-One Counseling
More about Relationship Coaching
What you will learn in your relationship coach training
To create sustainable change with the subconscious mind, use techniques like Affirmations & Visualization, Mindfulness, CBT/Self-Observation, and Environmental Priming, focusing on consistent repetition, strong positive emotions, and creating new neural pathways to reprogram limiting beliefs and automate desired behaviors for lasting transformation.
Core Techniques for Subconscious Reprogramming
Mindfulness & Self-Observation:Observe without Judgment: Watch your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to identify patterns and triggers without getting caught in them.
Question Beliefs: Ask if a negative belief is based on fact or fear, bringing it to conscious awareness.
Affirmations & Visualization:Repetition with Emotion: Consistently repeat positive, empowering statements (e.g., “I am safe to grow”) with conviction, especially morning/night.
Sensory Immersion: Visualize achieving your goal in vivid detail, engaging all senses and feeling the positive emotions associated with success to “fast-track” new pathways.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) & Reframing:Identify & Rewire: Use CBT principles to identify core limiting beliefs and actively challenge/replace them with empowering ones.
Reframe Negative Self-Talk: Catch negative thoughts and consciously rephrase them into positive, realistic statements.
Habit Stacking & Environmental Priming:Create New Habits: Design precise new habits to override old, ingrained ones.
Supportive Environment: Make desired actions easy (e.g., leaving yoga mat out) and remove triggers for old patterns (e.g., unfollow negative social media).
Embodied Change:Mind-Body Connection: Recognize tension (shoulders tightening) as subconscious signals; softening your body through breathwork or mindful pauses helps soften the mind.
Key Principles for Sustainability
Consistency is Key: Repetition builds neural pathways, making new behaviors automatic.
Emotion Fuels Change: Strong positive emotions anchor new patterns faster than just thoughts.
Start Small: Focus on small, manageable changes to build momentum and “prime” your brain for bigger shifts.
“Be” Before “Do”: Identify the identity (“who you need to be”) that naturally takes the desired actions.
The 4 levels (or domains/pillars) of emotional intelligence (EI), popularized by Daniel Goleman, are Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management, representing a progression from understanding oneself to influencing and managing interactions with others, crucial for leadership and strong relationships.
The Four Levels of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness: Recognizing and understanding your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and their impact on others.Example: Knowing you get stressed before big presentations and recognizing the physical signs of that stress.
Self-Management (or Self-Regulation): Controlling impulsive feelings and behaviors, adapting to changing circumstances, and managing your own emotional responses.Example: Instead of snapping when frustrated, taking a breath and responding calmly.
Social Awareness: Understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, showing empathy, and recognizing organizational dynamics.Example: Picking up on a colleague’s non-verbal cues that they’re upset, even if they say nothing.
Relationship Management: Building and maintaining strong relationships, inspiring others, managing conflict, and fostering teamwork and collaboration.Example: Effectively mediating a dispute between two team members to find a resolution.
How They Work Together?
These levels build on each other; you need self-awareness to manage yourself, and self-management helps you navigate social situations, leading to better relationship management.
The “Science of Change” involves various models explaining how individuals or organizations shift behaviors, with popular ones being the Transtheoretical Model (Stages of Change) (Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance, Relapse) for personal habits, and Lewin’s Model (Unfreeze, Change, Refreeze) for organizational shifts, all emphasizing change is a process, not an event, driven by readiness, vision, and systematic steps. These models guide interventions by identifying where someone is in their journey, from just thinking about change to fully sustaining new behaviors, notes the National Institutes of Health and Prosci.
Key Models of Change
Transtheoretical Model (TTM) / Stages of Change: Focuses on individual behavior modification, popular for health goals (smoking, exercise).Stages: Precontemplation (not ready), Contemplation (thinking), Preparation (getting ready), Action (doing), Maintenance (sustaining), Relapse (slipping).
Lewin’s 3-Step Model (Organizational): A classic for organizational shifts.Unfreeze: Break down old norms.
Change: Implement new ways.
Refreeze: Solidify new habits.
Theory of Change (ToC) (Macro Level): A framework for complex interventions, mapping out “If-Then” pathways from activities to long-term goals, used in social change.
Boyatzis’s Intentional Change Theory (ICT): A multi-level, fractal theory focusing on vision (ideal self) and resonant relationships to drive lasting change.
Core Principles in the Science of Change
Process, Not Event: Lasting change happens in steps, not instantly.
Readiness Matters: Understanding the stage of change dictates effective support.
Vision & Self-Efficacy: A clear ideal self and belief in capability drive action.
Systems Thinking: Change affects multiple interconnected parts (individual, culture, structure).
To use empowering questions for change, focus on open-ended “What” and “How” questions that invite solutions, not blame (e.g., “How can we learn from this?”) rather than “Why” questions; make them personal and recurring for self-reflection, placing them where you’ll see them daily (like sticky notes) to trigger new ideas and challenge norms; and build on them by layering possibilities (like “What small step can I take while connecting with others?”) to foster creativity, self-reliance, and tangible progress toward goals.
Key Principles for Empowering Questions
Be Curious & Non-Judgmental: Approach conversations with genuine interest, shifting from “Why didn’t this work?” to “What can we learn?”.
Use “What” & “How”: These words open possibilities, whereas “Why” can trigger defensiveness.
Focus on Strengths & Solutions: Ask how to leverage strengths or turn obstacles into opportunities.
Assume Positive Intent/Progress: Incorporate presuppositions that the desired change is already happening (e.g., “As I improve my health…”).
Make Them Recurring: Write questions down and place them where you’ll see them daily to integrate them into your thinking.
Examples of Empowering Questions
For Action & Goals: “What small step can I take today towards [goal]?” or “What’s the way forward?”.
For Mindset Shifts: “What’s one thing I can appreciate about this moment?” or “How do I respond to setbacks?”.
For Overcoming Challenges: “How can I turn this obstacle into an opportunity?” or “What challenges are most stimulating?”.
For Deeper Purpose: “What legacy do I want to leave?” or “What brings me the most fulfillment?”.
How to Implement for Change?
Identify Your Focus: Choose a theme (e.g., health, career, relationships) or a single word representing your goal.
Craft Your Question: Create specific “What/How” questions around that focus, like “How do I communicate my needs more clearly?”.
Place & Repeat: Put the question on sticky notes on your mirror, fridge, or computer.
Reflect & Act: Take time daily to answer it and brainstorm ideas, allowing the question to guide your actions and generate new insights.
Family Constellation is a systemic therapy, rooted in family therapy, that reveals hidden, unconscious family dynamics, especially transgenerational trauma, affecting an individual’s present life. Using representatives for family members in a group setting, it visually maps relationship issues, uncovering buried loyalties or traumas from past generations to bring insight, healing, and resolution to repetitive emotional patterns or relationship problems.
How it works?
The Setup: A client (seeker) presents an issue. The facilitator chooses other participants (representatives) to stand in for the seeker’s family members (parents, ancestors, etc.).
** Representative Perception**: Representatives, often knowing little about the family, describe feelings or movements, revealing hidden family patterns, loyalties, or traumas.
** Insight & Resolution**: The seeker observes this “constellation” to gain new perspective, while the facilitator reposition members to find a harmonious “solution image,” often involving acknowledgments or releases.
What it helps with?
Relationship issues (romantic, family)
Unresolved personal or generational trauma
Persistent negative emotional or behavioral patterns
Feeling stuck or lacking a sense of belonging
Understanding family secrets or excluded members
Key concepts
Systemic View: Problems aren’t just individual; they affect the whole family system.
** Transgenerational Trauma**: Unhealed issues from ancestors can be inherited and manifest in descendants.
Belonging: A fundamental need to feel part of the family system.
Metaphors and hypnotic language, rooted in Ericksonian hypnosis and NLP, bypass the critical conscious mind to speak directly to the subconscious, using stories (like a garden needing weeding or a mountain to climb) to reframe limiting beliefs into new, empowering perspectives, creating natural, deep change by engaging imagination and emotions without direct confrontation. Techniques involve visualizing cord-cutting for release, altering mental “submodalities” (brightness/size of belief images), and using universal quantifiers in questions to find counterexamples, transforming rigid self-talk into resourceful inner dialogues.
How it works: Bypassing the ‘Bouncer’?
The Critical Factor: Your conscious mind acts as a filter (a “bouncer”) for new ideas, often blocking change.
The Unconscious: This deeper part of the mind understands images, feelings, and stories, not just literal commands.
Metaphorical Bridge: Stories provide a symbolic, non-threatening way to access the unconscious, allowing new ideas to take root without triggering resistance.
Key Techniques & Examples
Revelation Metaphors (Storytelling): Use analogies to reveal new truths.Example: Instead of “You’re stuck,” a story might describe a boat stuck in reeds, allowing the listener to find their own way to untangle the knots.
Submodalities (Sensory Shifts): Change the mental qualities of a belief.Example: Make a negative image (e.g., “I can’t”) tiny, blurry, and far away, reducing its power.
Cord Cutting (Symbolic Release): Visualize cutting energetic cords linking you to the belief.Example: See the “cord” connecting you to a past failure and symbolically sever it to create space for growth.
Challenging with Questions (Counterexamples): Use universal quantifiers (always, never).Example: If someone says, “I never succeed,” ask, “Have you never won anything at all?” to prompt new memories.
The Garden Metaphor: Reframe the mind as a garden where you can pull weeds (negative thoughts) and plant seeds (positive beliefs).
How to Apply It (Self-Practice)?
Identify: Pinpoint the specific limiting belief (e.g., “I’m not good enough”).
Find a Metaphor: Think of a story where a similar challenge was overcome (a seed growing into a tree, a ship navigating a storm).
Create Your Story: Weave your belief into the narrative, showing its transformation. “Imagine your old belief as a heavy backpack you’ve been carrying…”
Use Hypnotic Language: Employ words that invite feeling and possibility (“you might notice,” “perhaps you can imagine,” “allowing yourself to feel…”).
Shift Your Focus: Deliberately bring up counterexamples and re-experience them with positive feelings.
Conflict resolution strategies involve communication, understanding, and finding solutions, often categorized by the Thomas-Kilmann Model (Avoiding, Accommodating, Competing, Compromising, Collaborating) or practical steps like active listening, focusing on facts, brainstorming, and mediation for win-win outcomes, emphasizing respect, empathy, and clear, calm discussion.
Core Conflict Styles (Thomas-Kilmann Model)
Avoiding: Sidestepping the conflict, useful for trivial issues or cooling off.
Accommodating: Giving in to the other party’s wishes, good for preserving relationships when the issue isn’t critical.
Competing: Pursuing your own concerns at another’s expense, high assertiveness, low cooperation (win-lose).
Compromising: Finding a middle ground where both parties give up something (win-lose/lose-win).
Collaborating: Working together to find a solution that fully satisfies both parties (win-win).
Practical Resolution Strategies & Steps
Communicate Clearly: Use “I” statements, stay calm, avoid blame, and focus on the issue, not the person.
Listen Actively: Pay attention, don’t interrupt, and seek to understand the other person’s perspective (empathy).
Find the Root Cause: Identify the actual problem beneath the surface emotions.
Brainstorm Solutions: Generate multiple options together, looking for mutual benefits.
Agree & Act: Choose a solution, agree on actions, and document the resolution.
Seek Mediation: Bring in a neutral third party (HR, mediator) for complex or stalled conflicts.
Take Breaks: Step away if emotions run too high to regain composure.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) uses “Cartesian Logic” (Cartesian Questions) as a tool to challenge limiting beliefs and stuck perspectives by reframing problems through four key questions: “What would happen if I did?”, “What wouldn’t happen if I did?”, “What would happen if I didn’t?”, and “What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t?”, forcing the mind to find new solutions by exploring possibilities beyond the immediate negative framing, thus accessing unconscious insights and promoting growth.
How Cartesian Logic Works in NLP?
Challenging Negatives: Instead of just focusing on a problem (“I can’t lose weight”), this method uses structured questions to break down the perceived limitations.
The Four Questions:What would happen if you did [the desired action]? (Positive outcome)
What wouldn’t happen if you did [the desired action]? (Unintended consequences/limits)
What would happen if you didn’t [the desired action]? (Negative outcome/status quo)
What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t [the desired action]? (Missed opportunities/benefits of inaction).
Overcoming the Conscious Mind: The complexity of these questions can overwhelm the conscious mind, allowing the subconscious to offer novel solutions and perspectives, says this YouTube video.
Example: For “I can’t lose weight,” questions might explore what happens with willpower versus without it, uncovering hidden values or blocks, notes nlpnotes.com.
NLP Context
Core Principle: NLP is about understanding how language (neuro-linguistic) shapes thought and behavior (programming).
Goal: To change negative habits and restrictive beliefs to reach full potential, using techniques to alter responses to stimuli.
Application: Used in coaching and therapy to help people reframe problems, build rapport, and achieve goals by shifting focus and changing thought patterns, notes.
Happy Clients
Choose to be happy!
Complete the contact form to find out more
about our programs and services…